Marty Jenkins and the Vampire Bitches (2006)

Dreadfully Boring

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

A REALLY bad shot-on-video comedy horror flick made in Georgia, USA. This lame-o effort features a slacker whose ex-girlfriend has joined a bevy of female vampires now preying on the general population. The hero decides to fight back. This film has plenty of sitting around, horror film references, and lame dialogue, accompanied by lashings of overacting and a very cheap filming style. It's boredom inducing, that's what it is.

Someone's been watching a lot of Kevin Smith movies. The good news is that he comes close to getting it. The problem with this movie can be summed up in one word: Editing. Everything drags just a little too slowly leaving the good jokes hanging in the air and the bad ones plummeting to their death. Speed it up and that problem vanishes. Sort of. The winkiness drained me after awhile. Part of that comes from the actors, none of whom have what you'd call a light touch. But...we're back to editing. Take out the breaking-the- fourth-wall nonsense, play it for real and, even with no budget, you've got Kevin Smith. Here's the thing that directors and actors don't understand: Comedy works best when you stop trying to be funny. Every once in a while, they get it right. Hummer: You know all those people who made fun of you in high school? Marty: How did you know they made fun of me in high school? Hummer: C'mon, boy. Sweater vest?That's a great joke, well delivered. However, towards the end when Marty has the showdown with the vampires, he does this "The power of Christ compels you....The POWER of Christ compels you...the power of Christ compels you" shtick. It would work if he were actually talking to himself and it wasn't played as "I've written a joke". At best, it's a joke-lette which doesn't deserve to get the kind of focus it's given. But there are some great touches like the micro-budget Marty's friend makes with a scene where Marty dies for about a minute and a half. It bears notice that this movie might well have the highest BMI of any movie I've ever watched. Chubby vampires just don't do it for me. All told, this is definitely worth a watch. For a mini-budget, it borders on outstanding.

I had a hard time voting on this movie for a few reasons. If I were to put it up against all movies and rated it that way, well it isn't the greatest movie ever made or anything close to that. But it still is a very enjoyable little romp, so I gave it a 6. If I were to rate this against very small budgeted indy films, it would get a higher rating. I have seen a TON of super low budget indy flicks and most I feel as though I just wasted $10 and some of my time as well as drained me emotionally leaving me a loser in all of those categories. But this one is pretty smart and entertaining. Marty Jenkins is a "lovable" character that you actually root for. The comedy is actually funny, the scenes are well done and there is a decent plot to push it through the gates as a winner. The girls are attractive (even the one that is a bit chubbier than some people's tastes is still a very cute girl) so it doesn't disappoint in that department. And everyone plays their roles very well. Do yourself a favor and even if you aren't into no budget flicks, pick this one up for a view. Let it get started and soon you will find yourself rooting for the poor guy (Marty). Maybe you'll rush out for a sweater vest? Nah. But you'll probably have a good time watching it.

Microbudget films. Micro Cinema. Call it what you will, movies with small budgets, $300 to be exact for a few I have seen (and made for that fact). There's literally hundreds, if not thousands of people attempting to get a break in this business known as film. Metaphorically, all of these filmmakers have been handed a machine gun, a gun any moron can handle, to shoot a target. Mostly, all the bullets miss.Someone hit a Bull's Eye.Henrique Couto brings us this painfully clever and fun feature featuring a lovable (or hate-able) loser named Marty Jenkins. Marty's life sucks, and will continue to suck more and more throughout the film. Depending on the kind of person you are, during the film you will either constantly hope for something GOOD to finally happen to Marty, or you will wait with excitement at what bad thing will happen next. Shawn A. Green III plays Marty with scary precision, with the timing one would except from a pro in his game. Sometimes one wonders if Shawn has a wall of Tyrannosaurus Sad pictures in real life...Pretty much every single other character is well played, Isaac never failed to give me giggles and Tyler (Henrique himself) is always a welcome addition to any scene. The Vampire Bitches themselves are perfect for stereotypical bad vampires and have a healthy mix of good acting and forced over-acting (for comedic purposes, obviously). Nic Pesante as the Blade spoofing Deacon is my personal favorite in the film.The story is simple and plain, but the jokes are what makes this one so fabulous. There aren't many indie films this fun or well done around (aside form maybe mine...never mind). So this film is well worth the purchase, being a nearly perfect piece of Micro-Cinema. I highly suggest you buy it. With money. It's a much smarter purchase than "Vampire Whores 3" (the first will always be the best).